Journey to Enlightenment!

I’ve spent most of my life feeling like an outsider. There has never really been one group that I fit into. I don’t really fit in in my culture because I spent most of my life outside of it. I’m not like other women that come from the same place as me. I don’t completely fit into the American culture because of how I was raised, even though I spent most of my life in America. Most of the time I wonder why I think, feel, and behave differently.
Journey to enlightenment

Even with all of these questions I have, even when I wonder why I’m so different, one thing I’ve always been proud and sure of is that I am not a follower. I love being original and true to myself. I truly enjoy being creative, and seeing potential from things most people think of as useless or not beautiful. I like imperfections because they make things real; a worn piece of furniture means it’s been loved well over the years.

When it comes to my imperfections however, I have never been as understanding. I’ve never considered myself to be better than anyone else. I try my best not to hurt or offend others, I dislike the idea of being a burden. For this reason, I hesitate to ask for help when I need it because I don’t want to be a bother.

The one good thing to me that has come out of this is that it has taught me to be independent because I learned to figure things out alone. The very bad thing about feeling this way is that I focus so much on my mistakes and imperfections, that I ignore all of the good things about myself. It is such a difficult thing to live this way because it is a constant battle.Path to enlightenment

Recently, I went through some life changes that had me wondering more than ever what is going on with me. While searching for answers I came across this: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. I took this test, read the results and I was astonished. As I was reading my results, it felt like someone was in my body translating all of the feelings and emotions into words that I could never speak before, because I could never find the words. I felt so many things: happy, relieved, understood, validated, and I finally knew why few people get me. I found out that my personality type is one of only about 4% of the population. 4%. That’s it.

I know now that it is in my nature to be emotional, to care so much about others that I take on their emotions (happy or sad) and carry it with me long after our meeting. Having this personality is why I avoid social situations sometimes, it is why I feel exhausted after certain get-togethers with people. I know now that wanting to be alone sometimes is not a bad thing but actually a necessity for me, to restore and replenish myself so that I can continue to be that sensitive, caring person.

With this new self discovery comes a new way of dealing with my emotions. I finally understand myself more and can deal with personal challenges accordingly. I finally feel like my feelings and emotions are valid and reasonable. I realize now that I am an emotional person and that will not change, I don’t want to change that, but now I am aware and I can figure out ways to remove myself from unnecessary situations and work through the ones I must face.Journey to enlightenment

Learning more about myself has been eye-opening, because I thought I knew myself before but found out that I am more complex than that; and gratifying. This has also reaffirmed to me to pay attention to and follow my intuition. All my life I have felt different, though I didn’t fully understand why, now I realize that this does not make me any less human, or less lovable, nor should it make me feel like I’m not worthy.

I now know that I can make a difference in someone else’s life by speaking up about my struggles. I have decided that I will no longer pretend to have it all together. I will let myself feel what comes naturally and let it pass without feeling guilty for it. I know it will take some time but I only have this one life and I want to make it great.Journey to enlightenment

Even with all of these questions I have, even when I wonder why I’m so different, one thing I’ve always been proud of and sure of is that I am not a follower. I love being original and being myself. I truly enjoy being creative, and seeing potential from things most people think of as useless or not beautiful. I like imperfections because they make things real; a worn piece of furniture means it’s been loved well over the years and reinventing it means it will be loved even longer but in a different way.

When it comes to my imperfections however, I have never been as understanding. I’ve never considered myself to be better than anyone else. I try my best not to hurt or offend others, I dislike the idea of being a burden. For this reason, I hesitate to ask for help when I need it because I don’t want to be a bother.

The one good thing to me that has come out of this, is that it has taught me to be independent because I learned to figure things out alone. The very bad thing about feeling this way is that I focus so much on my mistakes and imperfections, that I ignore all of the good things about myself. It is such a difficult thing to live this way because it is a constant battle.

Recently, I went through some life changes that had me wondering more than ever what is going on with me. While searching for answers I came across this: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. I took this test, read the results and I was astonished. As I was reading my results, it felt like someone was in my body translating all of the feelings and emotions into words that I could never speak before, because I could never find the words. I felt so many things: happy, relieved, understood, validated, and I finally understood why few people could understand me. I found out that my personality type is one of only about 4% of the population. 4%. That’s it.Journey to enlightenment

I know now that it is in my nature to be emotional, to care so much about others that I take on their emotions (happy or sad) and carry it with me long after our meeting. Having this personality is why I avoid social situations sometimes, it is why I feel exhausted after certain get-togethers with people. I know now that wanting to be alone sometimes is not a bad thing but actually a necessity for me, to restore and replenish myself so that I can continue to be that sensitive, caring person.

With this new self discovery comes a new way of dealing with my emotions. I finally understand myself more and can deal with personal challenges accordingly. I finally feel like my feelings and emotions are valid and reasonable. I realize now that I am an emotional person and that will not change, I don’t want to change that, but now I am aware and I can figure out ways to remove myself from unnecessary situations and work through the ones I must face.Journey to Enlightenment

Learning more about myself has been eye-opening,(because I thought I knew myself before but found out that I am more complex than that) and gratifying. This has also reaffirmed to me to pay attention to and follow my intuition. All my life I have felt different, though I didn’t fully understand why, now I realize that This does not make me any less human, or less lovable, nor should it make me feel like I I’m not worthy.

I now know that I can make a difference in someone else’s life by speaking up about my struggles. I have decided that I will no longer pretend to have it all together. I will let myself feel what comes naturally and let it pass without feeling guilty for it. I know it will take some time but I only have this one life and I want to make it great.

8 thoughts on “Journey to Enlightenment!

  • 08/29/2016 at 6:42 pm
    Permalink

    Self-discovery is frightening and empowering. I applaud you for realizing who you are and making the choice to love you for who you are.

    Reply
    • 08/31/2016 at 3:49 pm
      Permalink

      Thank you Ref J, you are so right. I never imagined there was so much about myself I have never been able to explain to others, I felt so lost for so long and change is scary sometimes.

      Aloha!

      Reply
  • 08/29/2016 at 1:42 pm
    Permalink

    You are so sweet! It takes a lot of patience and honesty to explore yourself so deeply. I appreciate you being so real and inspiring!

    Reply
    • 08/31/2016 at 3:44 pm
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      Hello Terryn!
      Thank you so much, it is hard going through the change but I really do feel so much better being my true self.

      Aloha!

      Reply
  • 08/29/2016 at 9:11 am
    Permalink

    I love your quote, “I would rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I’m not.” I am definitely a people pleaser, but I have decided this is my year of no and I need to make sure my needs are met first! Very inspiring post!

    Reply
    • 08/31/2016 at 3:41 pm
      Permalink

      Brittany I have been a people pleaser most of my life too. I am very happy for you for deciding to focus on yourself because you just can’t pour from an empty cup and I know know that very well. Good luck to you, it might take some time but don’t give up!

      Aloha!

      Reply
  • 08/29/2016 at 8:31 am
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    If we share each other’s stories, we can help more people going through the same things. Thanks for your openness!

    Reply
    • 08/31/2016 at 3:36 pm
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      Thank you Sarah, I totally agree with you about helping each other by sharing!

      Aloha❤️

      Reply

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