Sometimes It Takes B*lls To Be A Woman!

Sometimes It Takes B*lls To Be A Woman!

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One of my favorite quotes lately: “If you see the glass as half empty, pour it into a smaller glass and stop bitching.”

Be optimistic instead of looking at a situation as hopeless. I for one, choose to think this way as much as I can, though I have my bad days where nothing seems to go right. I truly believe that we have the ability to make ourselves happy or unhappy. We all want to be successful in life or, at least comfortable but sometimes we get so close to reaching our goals but we get discouraged and quit.

My mother is a great reminder to me of why I refuse to be mediocre or a complainer. She has been through hell and back; she has had to hustle to survive for as long as I can remember. She was married twice; her first marriage was to my father who left when I was about 3 years old and my sister was not even born. She later remarried to another man with whom she had two kids. Her second marriage was no better than the first, she was left with two more children to care for on her own.

Being our sole provider was not easy, mom was hardly ever home. I should explain that where I come from, there are very few opportunities for work especially for a woman, and even when there are opportunities, you have to have a college degree.

My mother’s only means of supporting her family was to travel across the continent and sell women’s apparel. Though, most times she came home discouraged because business was bad, she never gave up.

I wonder how my mother felt knowing that she was the sole provider in a culture where women were looked at only as homemakers and nothing else.
All my life I’ve felt my mother was a superwoman. She did not need someone to take care of her because she always worked despite the challenges she faced as a woman.

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She traveled, and she made sure my education was priority when I was old enough to start school, even though many parents of girls in our culture had dreams of their daughters getting married young and having children to bring honor and a good name to their family. Boys were supposed to be educated and take care of their family, girls were to be married and financially supported by their husband.

Many families with mothers and fathers in the household struggled to afford everyday necessities due to poverty. Because of my mother, our family never went hungry or wanted for anything. My sister and I had nice clothes compared to most children we knew, we had dolls, toys and things other little girls could only dream of at the time. Even though we were financially better off than most, we were by no means rich; but, my mother and grandmother strongly believed in giving.

When my mother wasn’t there, our grandma and our aunt looked after my sister and I. These women are like very few I’ve met in my life. My mothers as I like to call them (my aunt, my mom and grandma), did not ask for anything from anyone no matter how difficult the situation they were in. They each would give you the shirt off their backs, but would not want anything in return, this is actually true for all the women in my mother’s family.

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As a child, walking home from school, a man ran over my foot with his bicycle and injured my toe. True to the nature of the people in my culture, the man walked me home to my great aunt’s house to make sure I was okay and to apologize to my family. My mother was out at the time, but my great aunt was home and she decided that the man should wait for my mother so that he could explain to her what happened.

When it comes to her children, my mother did not take things lightly so her aunt knew better than to make decisions without her consent especially, because I was hurt. While waiting for my mother, I remember my great aunt giving the man who injured me food and water and making sure he was comfortable.

As a child, I didn’t understand why she fed and cared about the man who had just hurt me. Even though this is the culture I grew up in, I did not realize that this man’s honesty and integrity was something that made him worthy of respect and forgiveness. This stranger realized his mistake, took full responsibility for it and chose to face the consequences regardless of what that meant. My mother had to explain this to me because I was too young to understand it at the time.

My mothers (all three of them) taught me strength, forgiveness, and to always help others whenever I can because no matter how much we have, it could all be gone just like that. They have taught me that when it is my time to leave this earth, I could not take my material possessions with me. They taught me that

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The woman who gave me life is a true hero to me, yes, but I know she’s also a hero to many others; because of her kind heart, honesty, and fairness. I’ve spent most of my life without a father figure and I struggle as a woman because that was a very important but missing part of my life, but my mother has taught me how to be independent, strong, caring, the best mother I can be, and best of all, to never ever give up. I will always be grateful to her for being the woman she is, even though she was probably not aware that I was watching her and becoming who I am because of who she was.

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Now I have a daughter who is also watching me while I shape the young lady she will become one day. I am not perfect, I make mistakes, I make poor decisions; but I will teach my daughter that despite my flaws, I can make a difference in this life. I will teach her to love herself first, to treat others as she wants to be treated, to choose optimism always and to strive to be self-sufficient in every way possible.

Journey to Enlightenment!

I’ve spent most of my life feeling like an outsider. There has never really been one group that I fit into. I don’t really fit in in my culture because I spent most of my life outside of it. I’m not like other women that come from the same place as me. I don’t completely fit into the American culture because of how I was raised, even though I spent most of my life in America. Most of the time I wonder why I think, feel, and behave differently.
Journey to enlightenment

Even with all of these questions I have, even when I wonder why I’m so different, one thing I’ve always been proud and sure of is that I am not a follower. I love being original and true to myself. I truly enjoy being creative, and seeing potential from things most people think of as useless or not beautiful. I like imperfections because they make things real; a worn piece of furniture means it’s been loved well over the years.

When it comes to my imperfections however, I have never been as understanding. I’ve never considered myself to be better than anyone else. I try my best not to hurt or offend others, I dislike the idea of being a burden. For this reason, I hesitate to ask for help when I need it because I don’t want to be a bother.

The one good thing to me that has come out of this is that it has taught me to be independent because I learned to figure things out alone. The very bad thing about feeling this way is that I focus so much on my mistakes and imperfections, that I ignore all of the good things about myself. It is such a difficult thing to live this way because it is a constant battle.Path to enlightenment

Recently, I went through some life changes that had me wondering more than ever what is going on with me. While searching for answers I came across this: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. I took this test, read the results and I was astonished. As I was reading my results, it felt like someone was in my body translating all of the feelings and emotions into words that I could never speak before, because I could never find the words. I felt so many things: happy, relieved, understood, validated, and I finally knew why few people get me. I found out that my personality type is one of only about 4% of the population. 4%. That’s it.

I know now that it is in my nature to be emotional, to care so much about others that I take on their emotions (happy or sad) and carry it with me long after our meeting. Having this personality is why I avoid social situations sometimes, it is why I feel exhausted after certain get-togethers with people. I know now that wanting to be alone sometimes is not a bad thing but actually a necessity for me, to restore and replenish myself so that I can continue to be that sensitive, caring person.

With this new self discovery comes a new way of dealing with my emotions. I finally understand myself more and can deal with personal challenges accordingly. I finally feel like my feelings and emotions are valid and reasonable. I realize now that I am an emotional person and that will not change, I don’t want to change that, but now I am aware and I can figure out ways to remove myself from unnecessary situations and work through the ones I must face.Journey to enlightenment

Learning more about myself has been eye-opening, because I thought I knew myself before but found out that I am more complex than that; and gratifying. This has also reaffirmed to me to pay attention to and follow my intuition. All my life I have felt different, though I didn’t fully understand why, now I realize that this does not make me any less human, or less lovable, nor should it make me feel like I’m not worthy.

I now know that I can make a difference in someone else’s life by speaking up about my struggles. I have decided that I will no longer pretend to have it all together. I will let myself feel what comes naturally and let it pass without feeling guilty for it. I know it will take some time but I only have this one life and I want to make it great.Journey to enlightenment

Even with all of these questions I have, even when I wonder why I’m so different, one thing I’ve always been proud of and sure of is that I am not a follower. I love being original and being myself. I truly enjoy being creative, and seeing potential from things most people think of as useless or not beautiful. I like imperfections because they make things real; a worn piece of furniture means it’s been loved well over the years and reinventing it means it will be loved even longer but in a different way.

When it comes to my imperfections however, I have never been as understanding. I’ve never considered myself to be better than anyone else. I try my best not to hurt or offend others, I dislike the idea of being a burden. For this reason, I hesitate to ask for help when I need it because I don’t want to be a bother.

The one good thing to me that has come out of this, is that it has taught me to be independent because I learned to figure things out alone. The very bad thing about feeling this way is that I focus so much on my mistakes and imperfections, that I ignore all of the good things about myself. It is such a difficult thing to live this way because it is a constant battle.

Recently, I went through some life changes that had me wondering more than ever what is going on with me. While searching for answers I came across this: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test. I took this test, read the results and I was astonished. As I was reading my results, it felt like someone was in my body translating all of the feelings and emotions into words that I could never speak before, because I could never find the words. I felt so many things: happy, relieved, understood, validated, and I finally understood why few people could understand me. I found out that my personality type is one of only about 4% of the population. 4%. That’s it.Journey to enlightenment

I know now that it is in my nature to be emotional, to care so much about others that I take on their emotions (happy or sad) and carry it with me long after our meeting. Having this personality is why I avoid social situations sometimes, it is why I feel exhausted after certain get-togethers with people. I know now that wanting to be alone sometimes is not a bad thing but actually a necessity for me, to restore and replenish myself so that I can continue to be that sensitive, caring person.

With this new self discovery comes a new way of dealing with my emotions. I finally understand myself more and can deal with personal challenges accordingly. I finally feel like my feelings and emotions are valid and reasonable. I realize now that I am an emotional person and that will not change, I don’t want to change that, but now I am aware and I can figure out ways to remove myself from unnecessary situations and work through the ones I must face.Journey to Enlightenment

Learning more about myself has been eye-opening,(because I thought I knew myself before but found out that I am more complex than that) and gratifying. This has also reaffirmed to me to pay attention to and follow my intuition. All my life I have felt different, though I didn’t fully understand why, now I realize that This does not make me any less human, or less lovable, nor should it make me feel like I I’m not worthy.

I now know that I can make a difference in someone else’s life by speaking up about my struggles. I have decided that I will no longer pretend to have it all together. I will let myself feel what comes naturally and let it pass without feeling guilty for it. I know it will take some time but I only have this one life and I want to make it great.

What If You Can?

What If You Can?

We make decisions every single day of our lives, no matter how big or small. While making these decisions, we are aware of the possibility that things will not work out the way we want them to. The beauty of not knowing what will happen is having faith that things will be fine either way. There is no way to get through life without faith, whether we admit we believe in something or not. When we have any plans for the future, somewhere in us is the belief that we will be here to see those plans through.Pure Aloha Beauty!

When I was a child, I used to see things so clearly- I was always sure of what I wanted to be when I grew up. I saw the world in a different light. I noticed the moon, the sun, colors of trees, and flowers around me. All of these were so clear in my mind even weeks and months after seeing them. I remember these sunflowers that stood right outside my grandfather’s gate. I remember the shrubs around the sunflowers. I remember which way the beautiful golden flowers faced in the afternoon when I came home from school. I still smile at the thought of coming home from school and seeing them as a child even though this was over 20 years ago.

Lately though, I find it so much harder to remember to just look up and notice my surroundings anymore. Sometimes I just happen to be looking up at night and I notice the moon, and it almost takes my breath away. In that moment, I remember how beautiful but short life is, and I want to hold on to that feeling for as long as I can, as a reminder to live life to the fullest.

I’ve always felt young at heart and in my mind. I believe that part of what keeps me young at heart is my view of the world. Most of the time, despite the tragedies happening in our world, I choose to see the good parts of it. Maybe this is my way of dealing with my emotions, a way to protect myself.

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I look at a stranger and I imagine what kind of life they must have had and sometimes I wish I could sit down with them and ask about their life story. I see so many stories, in people’s eyes, in their hands, in their scars, and tattoos, in their wrinkles and smile lines, I always wonder, “What’s the story behind it all?”

I’m curious about people that are different from me because I see a new kind of beauty in them. I’m curious about places I’ve never been because of their mysteries and for the excitement of discovering something unique and inspiring. I love that feeling I get when I experience the beauty of a new place; seeing the world in a different light. I would imagine that this is the same feeling a blind person experiences when they see for the first time.

Just like anyone else I have many dreams and my hope is to continue to explore, learn, and grow in every way possible. I want to live my life to its full potential; this to me means being able to live freely, honestly, and to be nothing more than the best me I can be.

Those who take big leaps of faith inspire me the most. We’re so caught up in the what ifs: what if I fail, what if I lose, what if I’m not worthy or good enough?. How about instead, we choose to be see the bright side of things: What if my dreams do come true? What if I’m stronger than I think? What if I do change the world?

Imagine how much better we would be if we did one thing and succeeded, and then another, and another. We would be so much more confident, we would become unstoppable, then even if we failed at one thing, we would still have that reminder that there is still so much we can do. There would be less self doubt, less regret, and we would become so much smarter because we learn from what we have done.

Think about something you’ve always wanted to try but somehow found a reason to stop yourself from doing it. How do you feel about doing that thing today? Does it still come up from time to time or is it always there begging you to at least consider it again? If a good amount of time has gone by, what is different now from before that might make it a better or worse time to try?

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